Just My Two Cents' Worth

On my way home, riding a jeepney...

A man wearing a white cap, his right hand clutching a bunch of sampaguitas, got on and sat beside Manong Driver.

There were four of us inside. I was busy with my phone, tweeting and Grindr-ing (haha) at the same time. The rest of them were sleeping. I couldn't remember what made me look at the man's direction but what I witnessed next had left me speechless for a moment: 

Instead of money, the man gave some of his sampaguitas, as his fare, to the driver. 

Aww...

I couldn't help but smile and thought: "Uso pa pala barter ngayon."



"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." - Confucius

Naughty August

So what's the best way to spend your day off?

Mine's simple: I log-in to Camfrog (CF) and find a wank mate.
I've been hooked with this very efficient and gratifying way of getting off. 

The rules are very easy. You cruise through the available users in a room then a simple: "hi wanna go in pvt?" is enough to get the ball rolling.

My all time favorite pick up trademark line will be: "PVT? ;)". Then if you're lucky I'll show you my killer smile. (Killer daw o?)

I think the wink ";)" does the magic, or maybe the smile. Because so far, nobody's able to refuse my bidding.

I guess, I'm pretty contented with this setup. Maybe, I'll settle with this from now on. Who knows?

Lately, SEBs lost its appeal to me. I've experienced a lot of dramas and I don't think I'm ready for another bouts of hangups brought about by these casual encounters.

With cyberwanking, I get the same satisfaction from sex minus all the bullshit. Plus, I get to have "sex" with different hot guys in one day!

So log in now to CF and who knows you might receive that special "wink" from me.

P.S. I use the same handle for my Twitter in CF. Hihi. See ya there!

 

The Most Powerful Prayer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

Prayers need not to be complex. The simpler it is, the better.

Humility is the key.

Press Rewind

>It's my off from school and work today, yay!

>>I had two bottles of Red Horse Stallion and puffed 3 sticks of Marlboro Black. 

>>>Prior to that, I ate Chickenjoy and Hash Brown Burger from Jollibee then I thought I reached Cloud 9. 

>>>>(Actually, I was wrong. I was just lightheaded because of the too much cholesterol. 0_o)

>>>>>When I got into the office earlier, people kept on commenting that they aren't used seeing me in jeans and shirt. I said I didn't go to school that's why. 

>>>>>I'm halfway near the end of the book that I'm reading. [48 Laws of Power]. Law 20: Do Not Commit To Anyone.

>>>> I wanted to say hi to my ex then I thought that's just not right...but I still didn't manage to control the urge so I still sent him a message. And it was more than a "Hi."

>>>I  felt in the mood when I woke up so when I faced the mirror I said to myself, why not spike up your hair and forget the beanie.

>>I had more than 8 hours of sleep and I didn't want to leave the bed.

>Hmm, I should do this more often. It feels good to replay an episode from your daily adventures no matter how trivial it was. 
Till my next post. Ciao.

Hey, I'm still here!

It has been a while, (“a while” would be an understatement, I know) when I last updated this blog. I have been busy with school and work and as much as I’d like to keep track of my daily hullabaloos and what not, I guess the time’s just not enough. Anyway, here’s a quick rundown of what had transpired since I last wrote here.

I didn’t take classes last summer and now though I hate to admit this, I regret it a lot. I was confident I can catch up with the remaining units in my Plan of Study but when I got enrolled this June, my heart sunk when I discovered I still have 40+ units left to take. God, I hate 5-unit subjects! This is what I get from transferring schools. LOL. I’m not complaining though, I just can’t help but notice that there are unnecessary subjects in their B.S. Psychology curriculum. I don’t get what Asian Civilization has got to do with Psychology, neither does Retorika or World Literature! So, that will leave me another 2 years in college then, just when I thought I'd be studying medicine soon. Sigh.

Only few people know my fear of getting tested [for HIV]. Up to now, I still get chills when I think about it. What if it turns out positive, how am I going to live a life I'm just starting to establish? What will the people tell? How will they react? And the most frightening question I've had to ask: "How long am I going to live?" I don't understand what made me write about it now but I'm hoping that by doing this I will come to my sense and finally take the test. I'm not promiscuous, I should tell you. I had engaged in unprotected sex thrice; blame it on curiosity but I promised I will never do it again. With the height of AIDS and HIV incidence in our country, I can't help but get frantic. Yet, I still have not enough courage to stand up and get tested. I will, but not now. 

Oh no, not again!

"I have a letting go issue, I guess. Haha, still when you're in love, you'll find yourself doing the most unexpected things. I for instance, wrote this short poem"

Pananahimik ko'y ginulo
Mga pagbabagong di ko ginusto
Sa simula'y anong tamis
Lumalaon bakit tumatangis?

Pasasaan ba't doon din ang tungo
Ng tangang pagnanasang nadarama sa'yo
Katotohanang pilit kong kinukubli
na kailan ma'y di ka maitatangi

Kailan ko ba matatanggap
Ikaw at Ako'y di magaganap?
Ipaglaban man ang damdami'y walang silbi
'Pagkat sa huli, ako't ako pa rin ang sawi

Malamang sa sulyap at ngiti ko na lang idadaan
Pag-irog na sayo'y di ko man lang naturan
Sa huli'y unti unti ding matititigilan
ang puso kong pilit lumalaban (2008)

Reminiscing

/**I wrote this entry back in 2008. I just felt the need to share it.**/

I pretended to be the same old best friend he used to know, the Paul he used to share his dirty deeds with, the Paul he used to laugh with...cry with. He does not have the slightest idea of what he's doing to me, what he's making me...

But last night when we're there, I still feel the pain... seeing him crying dahil sa p***inang BF nya... ano bang laban ko?

(9 15 PM)

Nasa sa labas ako ng bahay ni M. I texted him to come out at samahan akong magyosi

(9 30 PM)

Ubos na yung 2 sticks ng yosi, M asked me to come in. I obliged. (Inuman kasi kami).

(9 45 PM)

Busy kami sa kakatext... then suddenly a familiar name appeared on my Inbox...FLASHBACK

11:15 A.M.

"I need you, Paul! ='("

"O bakit? what happened?"

"Nag away kami ni *toot*, may natuklasan ako sa kanya"

"Hey, don't let simple things ruin your relationship, bago lang kayo a... baka pwede pang mapag-usapan... teka ano nga bang natuklasan mo sa kanya?"

Then our rally of SMS continued without him telling me the reason why he's suddenly acting up... then he tried to call my phone pero nasa loob ako ng production floor and I can't answer the phone or else IR 'to. I thought it was not that serious, baka away mag-jowa lang.


(10 :25 PM)

"I'm here." (text niya sa 'kin)

I asked M, "Sige na M, kaw na lumabas..."

...then I saw his face again, he looked worse than the last time I saw him, his eyes swollen by tears and the way he spoke, I knew, he'd been drinking.



(11:06 P.M. - 4: 00 AM )

Our conversation was light and cheerful, we cracked jokes at each other, one way of expressing how we've missed these nights!

Then our limbs started to feel numb, our vision's hazy... his voice trembling, he began to tell the whole story.

Gusto nya ng kumalas sa BF nya.

Then I asked again, ano ba talagang nangyari.

"Tang'na, nakipag-DO siya kay George last night!... (sobbing)"

"WTF!"

Gusto ko syang batukan but at the same time I want to hug him tight to let him feel how much I care for him

"O anong nangyari pag katapos?"

"Sabi nya, lasing daw siya kaya nya nagawa yun. And he still want to save our relationship..."



"PUT** inang yan, o ano ginawa mo?"

"Ayun, nag- usap kami... ano sa tingin nyo, hihiwalayan ko ba?" At this point, I m starting to feel like winning the lottery. Yes, Hiwalayan mo na, para makapang ligaw na ko sayo! And I swear, I 'll prove to you that I'm the better choice!

" ...ang panget ko daw. Bisaya! Baduy!", stunned by his revelations I still listened, what hurt me most is:

"He's saying crap about you guys... na hindi daw nyo sya ka-level... na mukha kayong tindero sa palengke!... nagaway kami when he said that... I told him na ako na lang wag na yung mga friends ko... then he begged me not to leave him.. cause if i do, sasabihin nya sa Dad ko ung mga ginagawa namin.. at lagi nyang sinasabi na if ever na iiwan ko sya may 7 pang guys naghihintay sa kanya, nakareserba..." furious about what he's confessing, I remained to be civil and continued to listen...

"I 'm loathing his friends, kasi they're laughing at me. Hindi daw kami bagay. Good luck daw sa kin. Tapos, gustong gusto pa nyang nakikita na nagseselos ako sa mga ginagawa nya"

Nahihilo na ko. Ang lakas ko talaga tamaan pag San Mig Light. 2 bote pa lang bange na ko. I said in my most convincing-"friendly" tone... (I'm pretending that we're still best of friends after nag confess ako sa kanya na more than friends ang turing ko sa kanya)

"Hey, I m not saying that you break up with him, pero what he's doing, the things he's saying, it shows that he doesn't really love you. Yung sinasabi mong na it's his way to prove that you really love him whenever he sees you jealous, is bullshit. Admit it, it's his way of flattering himself. He's selfish and he doesn't deserve you. Ayokong dumating sa point na pupunta ka at mag-aaya ka na naman ng inuman tapos iiyak ka lang ulit sa'min ni M about this asshole. Once and for all, grow up!"

"Galit ba kayo sa 'kin? Nahihirapan ako, Paul. Sinong pipiliin ko, kayo bang mga friends ko o sya?" (Aww, I hoped that I heard him wrong, that instead of what he just said, he'll give me this pleading eyes and ask: "Sinong pipiliin ko, ikaw o siya?")

"Hey! We're not asking you to choose between us or your BF (that son of a bitch!). What I'm saying here is, at the end of the day, it'd still be your decision that matters, ayaw naming diktahan ka, dahil ayaw naming sisihin mo kami sa bandang huli."

Crying, I hugged him tight and gave him the wisest advice a friend could offer. Tapping his broad shoulders, I said, "Don't worry, We're always here to listen... I AM always HERE TO LISTEN " (kahit nasasaktan ako, handa pa rin akong maging "bestfriend" mo...)

1 kaha ng Lights, 2 bote ng San Mig Light, 1 long neck, 5 oras ng iyakan... nakaidlip siya. Di ko mahanap ang antok, nakuntento na kong pinagmamasdan ang mukha nya habang natutulog.
(5:00 AM)

"Uwi na tayo."

Nakasakay na siya ng traysikel pauwi.
Ako, naiwang nag-iisip... lumilipad ang utak habang naglalakad pauwi ng bahay.. then it hit me. I still love him...I still love my bestfriend. But I can do nothing, cause all the while, he thought that what I felt for him is already gone...