Two weeks from now I have to come up with a life-changing decision. The job (fine, the people and friends) I've learned to love for nearly 5 years will be at stake. Yes that's right...I've learned to love it. This may sound as a surprise for some but knowing myself, I could've left and looked for a new job if I didn't like it in the first place.
See, I've always anticipated this will happen but it hasn't occurred to me that it's going to be THIS soon. I guess, time really flies when you're having fun eh? I've practically witnessed how the company grew as years went on. From having only two accounts on their first year to serving seven accounts presently. In fact, I'm one of its pioneer agents. All of my wavemates had resigned and I'm the only one left from my batch.
The Dilemma
My company will offer a voluntary retirement package for its tenured agents at the end of the month. Of course, the severance pay I will receive is definitely too hard to resist. But the dilemma I have to face is after I sign the papers, what's next? Will I devote all of my time in studying till I graduate or will I look for a new job again? But where? I remember I made a promise to myself that when I leave this company, I will never come back anymore. Not in a call center for that matter.
Then again you come across a song that perfectly describes how you feel at the moment.
I'm probably a year late to hear this or its MTV have already earned 15 ++ millions (and still counting) views on YouTube but if it's not for Gossip Girl (haha) I would've not known such a beautiful song exists.
This is for you.
For us.
Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye (feat. Kimbra)
Now and then I think of when we were together Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end So when we found that we could not make sense Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believin it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know-oh-oh
But you didn't have cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing (oh) I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
(oh)
No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect you records
And then change your number (oh)
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody that I used to know
Somebody (now your just somebody that I used to know)
That I used to know
Somebody that I used to know
Somebody (somebody) (now your just somebody that I used to know)
That I used to know
I used to know
That I used to know I used to know Somebody
Gusto kong isiping dala ng alak ang migraine na 'to at hindi dahil sa sumagi ka na naman sa isip ko. Halos mag-iisang buwan na rin sigurong wala tayong komunikasyon sa isa't isa. Ni "ha" ni "ho" 'di natin nagawa. Weren't you the one who unfollow-ed me on Twitter? At magmula noon tinuring ko ng tapos na nga sa'tin ang lahat. Kahit alam kong wala naman talagang "atin" kahit pa nung umpisa.
Nagyaya ng inuman ang kaibigan ko sa opisina. Kahit one-on-one lang daw kami. Hindi na rin ako nakatanggi dahil day-off ko na rin naman kinabukasan. Sinabi ko na lang na susunod ako.
Medyo tipsy na s'ya nung maabutan ko. Mas nauna kasi sya saking lumabas at isang oras ang pagitan ng shift naming dalawa.
Tahimik ako nung una. Nakikinig sa mga halakhak at daldal nya habang umiinom. 'Di ko na matandaan kung paanong biglang napunta ang usapan namin tungkol sa'yo. Tungkol sa "atin". Ibinuhos ko sa kanya lahat lahat ng nararamdaman kong emosyon ng sandaling yun. Ikinuwento ko ulit kung paano tayo nagkakilala, kung paano kitang minahal at kung paanong natapos sa tin ang lahat lahat.
"Eh kung i-drunk text mo kaya s'ya!"
"No way! If there's one thing he can't take away from me, it's my pride."
"'Yan hirap sayo eh, puro ka pride. Akala mo kung sino kang matapang pero sa sinasabi mo ngayon sa'kin halatang di ka pa rin nakaka move-on."
Siguro nga hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa matanggap na napunta lang sa wala ang lahat. Masakit mang tanggapin pero malamang tama nga ang sinabi na 'yon ng kaibigan ko. Na kahit anong klaseng pag-de-deny ang gawin ko, siguro nga hanggang ngayon mahal pa rin kita.
Current time: 12:13 P.M.
I will attempt to finish this post in 16 minutes. Time starts now.
Magulo. 'Yan lang ang masasabi ko.
Sa love life,
sa eskwela,
sa work.
Life in general. What a very nice introduction for my first post for 2012.
1. Love life
Ano yun? Haha. Merong someone pero di ko sigurado yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Gaya nga ng sinabi ko sa taas, magulo nga di'ba?
Sa dinami-dami ba naman ng heartaches na pinagdaanan ko masisisi mo bang ma-trauma ang lola nyo? Mukhang nagmamadali sya. Kaso ako gusto baby steps lang. Haha.
2. Eskwela
Ayan naaaaa! Ayoko sanang i-open tong topic na to kaso medyo bothered na 'ko sa nangyayari sa 'kin ngayon. Bigla bigla kasing nawalan ako ng ganang pumasok. Uli. Sa katunayan, 3 subjects ang binabalak kong i-drop. NSTP, PE 4 - Volleyball ('di ko talaga s'ya bet, chinese garter na lang!), at Asian Civ. Ewan, siguro naasar/naooverwhelm ako sa schedule ko ngayong semester. Kung nakayanan ko nga yung 1 buong taon na maging full time pareho sa school at work, ngayon hindi na talaga kinakaya ng katawang lupa ko ang pagod. Siguro nga,tumatanda na ako.
3. Work
May kinalaman to sa no 2. Lilipat na kasi kami ng site. Kung ngayon sa Cubao kami, early February sa Eastwood na. Letse. Wala na nga akong tinutulog e, dadagdagan pa ang effort ko sa pagko-commute!
at syempre 4. PERA!!! Actually, feeling ko yan ang ugat ng lahat ng mga frustrations ko ngayon. Hindi pa kasi ako nakakapagbayad ng tuition sa school. Ni hindi ko naregaluhan mga inaanak ko nung Pasko dahil pinambayad ko lahat ng mga utang ko. Ano ba yaaann, feeling ko tuloy ako si Poorita Mirasol!
O sya, 12:28 na sa orasan. Malelate na ko sa eskwela actually. Ninais ko lang talagang magpalabas este, ilabas tong niloloob ko. Tagal ko rin kasing kinikim to. Sago sago na. :P